Trigger warning here for this whole post which inlcudes harmful representation and stereotypes of people who either attempt or ask for help for suicidal ideation. The following is, as per usual, from my own experiences as well as the community around me, both online and those I’ve met through my own journey, who struggle with this and other mental illnesses which intertwine.
I’ve gone back and forth on speaking out about this one for a while and I believe it will do more good than harm to share this message. For that reason I will be dissecting this topic with regards to a specific book I was an advanced reader and reviewer for earlier this year. I will name the book at the end of this post, purely for the sake of allowing others affected by mental illness the opportunity to protect themselves from harmful rhetoric.
Within this specific book, there are two main narratives where a suicide occurred, both of which are harmful and I will analyse why. The first is mentioned far more briefly and has slightly less of an impact on the main character (moving forward, this character will remain unnamed but be referred to as “MC” in lieu of the actual character’s name). The second is far more pervasive throughout the book and colours MC’s entire views on suicide, including common stereotypes like “suicide is selfish”.
Unwillingness to fight a terminal diagnosis being labelled as "suicide"
The first “suicide” mentioned in the book is that of MC’s mother, whom, upon diagnosis with cancer, decided not to fight with radiation, chemo, stem cell treatment, etc. Readers aren’t given many details on this one except that the mother “chose” not to fight it, despite her husband and child, and we don’t really know what influenced that decision. However, for the reason that it was a “choice” not to seek treatment, MC labelled it as a suicide.
Now, at this point I probably don’t need to expound upon what classifies suicide and why this isn’t it, but for argument’s sake, let’s do just that. Suicide is the end result of mental illness. No matter whether a) the mental illness has taken so much from the person that they are so depleted they’re unable to continue living, b) mental illness has convinced them there is nothing left to live for or they are a burden upon society or their loved ones, or c) an illness such as schizophrenia, a psychotic experience, etc. has convinced them they have to kill themselves, the common thread here is that suicide is a result of mental illness.
The second important defining point is that suicide is always death, or an attempt to cause death, by the person affected. Ever notice how in crime shows a killer may set up a scene to look like a suicide, but it’s ruled homicide anyway, due to the fact that the death was proven not to be caused by the deceased victim? The victim didn’t die because they didn’t fight back; they died because an outside influence caused their death. Cancer would be that outside influence. The mother of MC didn’t invite cancerous cells into her body. She did not choose to die a likely painful and slow death due to cancer. The cancer took her life.
Spite for another person as a motivation for suicide
This is probably the most problematic death in the book, purely because it’s spoken of far more often and colours MC’s views for the entirety of the story, unlike her mother’s death. For a good portion of the story, we are aware that MC’s ex-husband was a generally not great person: he was controlling and coercive, and he enjoyed watching MC struggle. He profiles as someone who liked to sit back and watch others suffer, and only joins in a situation to egg things on. While no one cannot diagnose a narcissistic personality from a rarely-spoken of book character, he definitely showed sides to himself that would make most people wonder.
At the 80% mark, however, readers learn of how this ex-husband died. Supposedly, the two are at a restaurant talking over their marriage, he wants to “fix” things, however MC asks for a divorce. When they leave, she’s ahead of him and heads across the road towards her car, while he waits back on the curb until a large truck is coming, makes eye contact with MC and says these words: “Tell [MC’s therapist’s name] I said hi”.
This tells readers in no uncertain terms that he chose suicide purely so that MC would suffer, by referencing the therapist he knows she sees to sort through her past with the mother’s “suicide”. He chose to die in that way just to trigger MC further, and because he was losing control of the situation by her asking for a divorce. You can probably already see why this “suicide” the author wrote is wholly wrong in a whole lot of ways.
Firstly, he didn’t commit suicide as a result of a mental illness as described above, in any way, shape or form. Second, the type of person he was would have preferred to sit back and watch her suffer for the ego boost it would provide him. He receives nothing from committing this act and then never getting to watch her suffering play out, when that’s how he has always worked situations to give him the sense of superiority as MC struggled through. And lastly, the spite of another person is never a motivation for suicide.
Writing character suicides without prejudice
For starters, steer clear of the notion that it was “selfish” or a “cry for attention”. As I always say, context matters, and this means that you can represent those stereotypes so long as it’s done well. Maybe a character has that impulse thought because of the grief they’re suffering, but later has a change of heart, for instance. However when writing the motivations of a character who does suicide, from their point of view, it should never be presented in this way. Remember: it’s the result of a mental illness.
Regarding language, a hard and fast rule is not to say someone had a “failed suicide”. The idea of failure is generally that you get back up and try again, because of its negative implications in most uses of the word. Conversely, to pair with a term that means the taking of one’s life implies that someone was unsuccessful and will or should try again. Often times, a person who tries to take their life will use the term “failed suicide” in despair, hoping that they will be availed of another chance to try in the near future. However from an outside perspective, it can come off as encouraging of the act of suicide to label someone as having a “failed suicide”. In the exact same way, we steer away from the term “successful suicide”. It is language often avoided in settings like therapy and mental health hospitals.
You may notice that I’ve also avoided the terms “attempted suicide” and “committed suicide”. This is for the reason that often times the two are seen as entirely separate things, with a “successful” or “committed” suicide being somehow more tragic and the result of a more severe mental state than someone who didn’t actually die by their hand, but tried to. Remember, all bodies are different, which means even if someone tries in a way that has a higher success rate statistically, they may still not die. Conversely, people who are trying to hold back may end up dying as a result, due to the individual’s body. If someone is trying to suicide, by any means, no matter how serious you judge it to be, it is still something to be taken very seriously and we have no right to cast judgement.
Writing suicidal ideation
Suicidal ideation is essentially experiencing the urge to end one’s life, by whatever means. This differs from intrusive thoughts as those are fleeting thoughts which are believed to be the brain’s way of testing our survival instincts, with the outcome that we very often will be horrified by the fact that the thought even crosses our minds. (By that theory, the brain wouldn’t test itself if it was already wanting to suicide as that would be counterintuitive.) Urges, however, are the strong want for a certain outcome. An action urge, as a simple example, may be restlessness encouraging you to move your body if you’ve been sitting for a while. In the same way, with suicidal ideation there is a strong urge, or want, to end one’s life.
Someone who has this ideation or urge is at no more or less risk if they’ve tried to end their life before, or not. It is a warning sign that the person needs attention and something within their mental health has to change, and not “just looking for attention”. This gets fuzzy to people who haven’t experienced it before because people who are experiencing suicidal ideation may ask for help or give a “cry for attention”, however it’s important to understand that they are looking for attention to be taken seriously, because they are in fear of their lives due to their mental state, not because they’re the sibling getting the least attention, etc..
If you need to know for your writing at what point someone can be admitted to a public or private hospital, research your area’s applicable mental health act and laws regarding admission with and without consent.
What is often seen as a more serious sign that someone may act on those urges – and a mental health professional will ask someone experiencing suicidal ideation about these – is if the person is dedicating time to fantasise about carrying out a suicide, or if they have a plan in any stage of completion. This can look like a backup plan such as stockpiling medication, a specific date they feel it should happen on or before, or actively going to buy paraphernalia “just in case”, etc.. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, as every individual is different and every mental illness presents differently, but generally the more specific one’s plan is, the more likelihood they will carry out that plan.
If any of the content you’ve read about today has been distressing or triggering, please talk to someone close to you or on your personal healthcare team, or call a local hotline such as Lifeline where you can get anonymous help.
The book talked about specifically in this post is The Echo of Old Books, by Barbara Davis
I do not condone or encourage anyone to message the author, share hateful comments, or post reviews without first reading the book for yourself – that’s simple bad manners as a reader and reviewer. You may share this blog post, but please don’t start anything yourself without first reading the book, as all readers know that stories are subjective and open to interpretation, and what bothered me may not bother other readers. What I have shared is my personal and professional opinion, as an accuracy reader.
The following is my review for Goodreads and Netgalley.
The Echo of Old Books is a low-stakes, slice of life mystery which covers a dual timeline, with three POVs: a 1941 story of love and loss from each POV of the heterosexual couple, Belle and Hemi, and a 1984 account if reading said story from bookstore owner and book restorer Ashlyn. I would personally describe it as You (Caroline Kepnes) meets the Great Gatsby, with a focus on manipulation of a love interest, and class disparity.
Beautifully poetic in its ability to romanticise books in both the stories they hold within, and the outward character of old books. I was COMPLETELY drawn in and obsessed with the narrative for a good portion. At around 60% it started to lose momentum for me but that picked up again soon, then about the 80% mark I really struggled to continue (you'll see what went wrong next, with one of the big "twists").
Representation and content warnings (in order of appearance)
Badly written representation: suicide as a "choice", a "decision", and "selfish" (one of the two POVs which reflect on suicide is understanding of the fact that it isn't a choice, but a symptom of mental health which could not be helped even with medication or hospitalisation, while one strongly believes it is a deliberate choice someone makes); the last suicide in the book also has been twisted so there's a "motive" to the suicide, to hurt someone else, which no mental illness accounts for - no one takes their life with the sole purpose of hurting another person, that's what threats, faking etc are for, so they can watch someone they love suffer, but taking one's life in such finality is too personal and it shows there has been no research into suicide done by the author and no sensitivity/ accuracy reader engaged for this book, leading to harmful stereotypes. I excused the first part as someone who doesn't know much about mental health and was a child when the first suicides happened may assume it is a choice if they've never chosen to educate themself on the topic. However writing in a nonsensical death that touches on a topic which requires deep research, and is clearly lacking said research or sensitivity reader, is inexcusable.
Well written representation: loss of a spouse post-breakup and associated inner-conflict; Post-Partum Depression, the husband's misunderstanding of the dire situation, and an 8yo child's perspective; accidental death of a young child; cheating; manipulation of a young girl by older man; spousal manipulation; acts of suicide; anti-Semitic beliefs.
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