We’re encouraged to write broadly, while also being told to write what you know, which does make it difficult when you’re trying to include minority groups and representation of peoples you haven’t had personal experience with yet. This is a basic guide to including transgender and nonbinary identities – and those in between – in your writing, taken from my experiences with partners and close friends across the gender spectrum, as well as from reading memoirs from people who identify as such themselves.
Note on language: I’m using “trans and nonbinary” for this post as these are umbrella terms, and nonbinary technically falls under the transgender umbrella itself. When I say this, however, I am of course talking about every gender identity across the spectrum, and this is something we’ll get into more in the advanced post at a later date.
I’ll start off with a few quick reminders about terminology, to get you familiar with the basics:
“Sex” refers solely to biology, that is, the genitalia a person has, physical traits, and the genetic makeup of the person (chromosomes and hormones).
When someone is born, they are assigned a sex to check a box on a birth certificate or what have you, and they take that into schooling, doctors, and into life with them. This means people are either “assigned female at birth” (AFAB) or “assigned male at birth” (AMAB).
People can be born intersex, with a combination of the above listed attributes of sex, not only the ones that fit the boxes of “male” or “female”. Oftentimes they will still be assigned as either male or female at birth to help the child grow up feeling more normal and allocate a role in society.
“Gender” refers to norms, standards, customs, roles, and can be dictated by a person themselves.
“Cis-” (Latin “citra”) means “on this side”. Therefore a cis-gender person identifies their gender as being the same as their sex. This term was coined in 1994.
“Trans-” (Latin) means “across from” or “on the other side of”. Therefore someone who is trans-gender identifies as something other than their sex or assigned gender at birth. (Think of words like “transport”: moving from one port to another.) This term was coined in 1965 and replaced “transsexual” which held more negative associations in society.
“Nonbinary” is a broad term referring to anyone who doesn’t fit to the binary of either male or female, but finds themselves elsewhere in the gender spectrum (an example could be demi-boy or demi-girl, where the person feels not entirely male or female, but sits to one side of centre, leaning towards either the male or female side).
Dysphoria is the word for an intense feeling of uncomfortability in one’s own skin, for whatever reason. Often you hear it in the term “gender dysphoria”, which refers to being intensely uncomfortable in the gender one’s body presents as. This can sometimes lead to an individual being so impaired by distress that they cause serious harm to themselves or even contemplate suicide to end the mental, emotional and social pain they’re in.
Deadnames and etiquette
A “deadname” is a name which is old, dead, no longer in use, by someone who has changed their name for whatever personal reason to align better with their self and gender. The new name may be gender-affirming or unisex, and is chosen by the individual themselves.
It is wrong to ask someone what their deadname or birth name was, or continue to use it after a person has asked you to use their chosen name. For reasons of personal safety, you may be told in confidence that someone is using a new name, but asked not to use it in front of their family, for instance, to whom they may not be “out”. Please always respect the wishes of the individual, as it could cause great threat to the safety of the person if you do use their chosen name in front of someone you’ve specifically been asked not to. To go against this explicit instruction is the opposite of being an “ally”.
Pre- versus post-transition language
It’s super important to preface this by stating up front that the term “transition” here does not refer exclusively to surgery. Instead, it is the personal, social, emotional, and/ or physical transition of a person, as defined by their goals in expressing and feeling comfortable in their gender.
This could include: surgical procedures (“top surgery” refers to breast surgery, “bottom surgery” refers to surgery of reproductive genitalia; never ask a person if they have had either procedure or are planning to – it is highly personal and doesn’t nullify or validate anyone’s transition either way), physical aids such as binders or packers, use of makeup, changing the way one dresses, and more. All of these are changes that are gender-affirming, or affirming of the gender they know themself to be, and wish to be perceived on the outside.
The understanding we now have from speaking with and uplifting trans and nonbinary voices is that those individuals aren’t “suddenly” a different gender, but have always been. If you listen to stories from trans and nonbinary individuals who feel comfortable sharing, you’ll notice they will all say that they knew there was something “off” or not quite right in how they were expected to present regarding their gender, or they simply knew they weren’t their assigned gender. Even if people come out later in life, it’s almost always as a result of either not being safe enough to, or not having the language to do so. For many, learning what transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer, agender, and other labels along the spectrum mean was the key to unlocking something they’d always known, and can finally begin to understand and communicate to others.
What this means, however, is that when talking about someone pre-transition, we always use their chosen identified gender and name. To use their “old” name to talk about their “old” self is to mute their voices and say that we don’t believe they have always been this person. Therefore, Elliot Page was Elliot Page even when he was in the Umbrella Academy’s first two seasons, pre-transition, and movies like Juno and Flatliners. He simply played a female character. Likewise, Caitlyn Jenner has always been Caitlyn Jenner, a female, and we know from interviews that she sees herself as her childrens’ mother. This is why listening to own voices is so important. We can’t always assume, but we can be open to respectful conversation and choose to respect people who identify differently from ourselves.
Real life example
Similarly, I’ll share a personal story (with permission). My partner, Clericle, came out almost two years ago, and originally they chose to identify as “genderqueer” because it felt like enough of an umbrella term that they could explain how they felt, without people assuming. They were always this person, and I knew it all along. A lot of people would double check their pronouns with me because they dressed in masculine clothing and had a buzzcut. They chose to affirm their gender by trying out binders, and relinquished the norms they’d felt forced upon them such as wearing dresses.
When Clericle came out to me, I wanted to make sure I was affirming them as much as possible, as my best friend was trans and I knew from them and other friends’ experiences that this is a huge and terrifying step. So, I asked as many questions as I could, from double checking pronouns, to asking if they’re comfortable with me calling myself a lesbian (I do want to highlight here, however, that this didn’t nullify my own expression or identity as a lesbian, rather I was checking that they wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or dysphoric if I called myself this term aloud, in front of them), and if they would rather be my wife or my spouse. This is how we uplift people, by showing that we believe their identities and respect them.
Gifts we got for our engagement that have our names on them, we simply cover, so no one who comes into our home knows Clericle’s deadname, yet we still have the memories of the person who gifted us such thoughtful items. Some have even offered to get the items remade or retouched somehow to affirm Clericle. They now continue to use gender-neutral pronouns (they/ them/ theirs) and identify as nonbinary, and while we’ve talked privately about their goals for the future regarding affirming their gender through their appearance, it’s not something I’ll ever share, even with our closest friends, because I know how personal this is to them and their mental state.
How to introduce a new character into your writing whose gender is ambiguous
Introducing a character with an ambiguous gender or who uses gender-neutral pronouns can feel super daunting and difficult to begin. Do you assume gender then course-correct once the POV character finds out? Do you just never let any of your characters assume gender, and won’t that get confusing? To answer these, I’ll give the following examples of how this can be done that I’ve read and loved, which follow my guide above.
In Thistlefoot, GennaRose Nethercott introduces Sparrow, a nonbinary side character, with the observation that “they were nonconforming and I couldn’t get a read” regarding their gender, and therefore the main character doesn't assume either way. Soon after, Sparrow is referred to by their crew with gender-neutral pronouns “they/ them”, confirming their preferred pronouns for the main characters.
Woodborn, by Heather Nix, takes a slightly different approach in using gender-neutral pronouns from the get-go, after one of the main characters transitions, never allowing the character whose perspective we’re reading from to assume a gender. Later on, it’s clarified that yes, they do use gender-neutral pronouns. There’s also a part where a different nonbinary character is introduced, their best friend using the pronoun “they” to talk about this character, and the point-of-view character confirms whom they’re talking about by adding a name to it, thereby clarifying to readers as well.
Another way this can be easily done is similar to the second example from Woodborn and this is probably the easiest and most commonly seen example, which is to simply have someone else introduce them with gender-neutral pronouns, or to outright correct someone when they assume gender.
There are, of course, far more nuanced ways of introducing a trans or nonbinary character into your work, but that usually comes with more understanding of social protocols and therefore will be touched on further in the advanced guide, coming later on.
A more advanced guide is planned for later down the track, which will go into other gender-spectrum terminology and more. This is intended as a basic guide for those new to the topic, who want to be inclusive in their writing.
Comments