This post has been written with neurodivergent individuals in mind and therefore includes sections that are bullet pointed, step-by-step instructions, and examples, for a thorough understanding.
Note: The representation I’m covering in this post pertains mostly to the issues I personally cover in my work as an Accuracy and Sensitivity Reader, although most of this is transferable to many other identities and experiences. Therefore, the perspectives I’m focusing on here include people with lived experience of disabilities, mental illness/es, neurological conditions, neurodivergency, traumatic life experiences (e.g. survivors of sexual assault, home break-ins, religious trauma, etc.), use of physical mobility aids, and queer- and gender-spectrum identities.
Deciding who to approach
Starting broad, you obviously have influencers, who are there to represent their identity and often address tough questions. The only issue here is that oftentimes in writing, we need super specific details about something or within a certain context. Some will do Question and Answer (Q&A) type things on TikTok (through comments) or Instagram stories (via a question box). However, it’s important to keep in mind that they often don’t have the capacity, or sometimes even the knowledge, to answer private inbox messages where you have the best chance of getting specific.
Remember, influencers are individuals, meaning they won’t represent every single person in the same circumstance, so you may have to try Q&A-type interactions with a few in order to get your question addressed accurately.
The next most personal option is to put out a broad call on your writing accounts (Writergram, Writertok, Writeblr, etc.) for connections through your network. This could look like either:
A post to your account asking people to contact you if they have experience with a certain identity, lifestyle, disability, illness, neurodiversity, acute experience, etc. and feel comfortable answering a few questions; or
Finding a popular writer group or person with a large following who would be willing to help you put out the call for someone who would be capable of answering your questions.
Of course, the most personal option is to talk to a friend or acquaintance, someone you have a standing relationship with, who you are aware has been through or lives with a certain identity or experience, who might be able to help. Remember, just because someone has trusted you to open up once in the past, that doesn’t mean you have the all-clear to immediately ask questions, or assume that they’re able to talk objectively about their experiences. It also doesn’t mean that their experience of the particular issue you’re hoping to write will align with that of the character you’re putting into the situation.
Once you find someone you believe you’re able to approach one-on-one
When approaching someone one-on-one, it’s important to establish a few things first in order to assess whether this person is able to have the discussion you’re hoping for, and also if they even have the answers to the questions you’ll have for them. The following stages will give you a step-by-step guide, then I’ll follow with a couple of examples for different types of questions I’ve personally asked in the past, for my writing.
Start by making sure the person is willing to answer questions around the topic you have in mind – don’t just dive right in.
Ask if they’re able to answer some specific questions or would rather discuss the topic broadly – either provides you first-hand knowledge and is valuable.
Ask if the person is in a safe place to talk openly about their experience with the topic – this shows that you care about them and their wellbeing and understand the gravity of the topic.
And check if there are any triggers the person has around the topic to ensure you are able to proceed mindfully when talking to them – remember, they are doing you a favour in sharing something personal, and you don’t want to exploit them or for them to feel used.
Setting the person up for a positive conversation
Next, make sure they understand your expectations. Again, you’ll get to see how this plays out in the examples below, this is just breaking it down in detail for those who do best with step-by-step instructions.
Tell them what you need to know and how much detail is required for your writing, broadly, this way the person is less likely to catastrophise/ expect the worst of reliving their experiences.
Slightly different from above, tell them how much detail your questions will be going into, i.e. will you require a play-by-play of a specific trauma, just have a question about the aftermath of an incident, would like to know a specific thought process or catalyst to their acting in a certain way, etc.
Share with them the information you have already collected (and check that it’s accurate, as a Google fact check can’t account for every setting, and the person you’re talking with may have more light to shed on a certain understanding).
How to ask for the specific information you need
Start by writing a list before you even go into the conversation, that way you’re prepared and have given forethought to being sensitive to the person’s experiences.
Once you’ve checked with the person for triggers and what they wish not to discuss on the topic, you can then adjust your wording before sending. I should also mention here that it’s best to do this over text messaging rather than video or in person, so that you can prepare your questions and responses, and also have a little longer to process the answers you’re given as they will likely be confronting.
Ask open ended questions – it’s better to ask “How did this affect you?” than “Did this make you feel X?” as you don’t want to make the other person have to rationalise their natural responses, nor to question the validity of their cognitive processes.
Put yourself in their shoes and try to consider the situation from as many angles as possible. This will also elevate your writing in that your side characters’ responses will show research and understanding of the sensitive topic you’re portraying. You can even ask the person you’re chatting with how those around them reacted to certain information, diagnoses, second-hand trauma, etc.
Offer the chance for the person to add any extra information they believe might be relevant at the end. This plays off asking open questions a little, in that you’re not just sticking to what you, as an outsider, believes should be portrayed or relevant to the story you’re writing, but asking someone with experience what they wish others knew or how they wish the media didn’t portray them.
Ending on a positive note
This is mostly basic courtesy and just making sure the person you’re chatting to feels respected and appreciated, and you can really just go from your gut here, but I’ll mention a couple of things anyway.
Thank the person for their time and willingness to share openly and be vulnerable for the sake of authentic representation in writing.
Make sure they feel like the conversation went well and you weren’t spearheading the conversation in a way that they didn’t feel represented their experiences.
You could perhaps even ask if they’d mind/ would like to to be mentioned in acknowledgements, even just by their first name, if they helped your writing in a big way, e.g. character motivations or emotional reactions from side characters that further the plot.
Example questions about trans identity
I was struggling with the catalyst for why my nonbinary character was choosing that moment to come out, and wanted to gather a few perspectives. I chose to message two close friends, one of whom came out as transgender years ago and I’ve only ever known them as trans, and another who experimented with gender-neutral pronouns and a different name, before deciding it didn’t fit after all.
Obviously, the questions were broad: What made you think you might not be your assigned gender? Why did you come out when you did (catalyst)? What were the consequences for you, personally, if you hadn’t come out when you did?
I started both conversations with similar messages along the lines of, “I’m writing a major character who is nonbinary and I’m trying to find a motivation for why they’re choosing this moment to come out. I’m trying to collect some authentic stories and was wondering if you’re feeling confident enough in your gender identity currently to have a chat with me and answer a few questions? They’re going to be broad, allowing you to give as little or as much detail as possible. We can also postpone this chat if you’d like to help but aren’t in a good headspace currently.”
Both of these people, as I said, are actually two of my closest friends, so it was fairly informal, but I made sure to be sensitive with my wording, and ended up getting a lot more detail than I expected, probably as a result of an already established trust and understanding that I wouldn’t share anything personal and am someone eager to learn about other experiences. The next example is going to be a bit more specific, but requires trigger warnings for the topic of self-harm.
Example asking questions about healing process of a specific self-harm injury
One of my two main characters of my current manuscript self-harms in a way that I have experience with, and another doesn’t. Now, I want to mention that I did not choose this form of self-harm for the other person on account of having a friend who used a similar method and I could ask questions of.
The injury involved burning over an open gas stovetop, and while Google was helpful to an extent, it was hard to pin down one specific answer, which depended on things like the type of fire, area of the body, size of the burn, and more. The injury was not the same as the ones I knew my friend had, however I was aware that they were both on the same part of the body, and involved gas-fuelled flame.
Note: the following isn’t word for word, as not only am I protecting the person’s privacy, but they also got a new number in between and I don’t have a full record of the conversation anymore, but my memory of this conversation is pretty good because it was such a positive experience.
Me: Hey, I’m writing a pretty raw scene and while I have a lot of the info I need from Google research, there’s one question I have that I can’t get a definitive answer for. It does involve an injury from self-harm, which is a burn, and I was wondering if I could ask you one question. I won’t tell you any details, only what’s need-to-know and pertains to the answer. Are you feeling safe enough currently to be able to answer something like that for me?
Them: Thank you for asking honey, I am safe enough to answer any questions, so let’s start with the basics. What kind of fire was it? What does the burn itself look like?
Me: Thank you so much for your openness! I already know it was third degree, from a gas stovetop, and it’s been treated rushed but passingly. My question, if you can answer it from that info, is how long it would likely take to scab over? Is a month enough time?
Them: It does depend how it was treated. It used to be that doctors encouraged you to let it air, however newer schools of thought and studies have shown keeping it enclosed and moist actually allows it to heal naturally better, just so long as the bandage is changed often enough that you’re not trapping in anything nasty. It can be kind of inaccessible, but if the character has access to it, the best thing for it is a large bandaid stuck down around the edges that covers the area in and keeps it moist. Otherwise a full bandage is fine as it’ll protect it from being bumped, however it will weep though and need changing more frequently and slow healing down. Also, just a note, third degree burns actually barely hurt at all because you fry the nerve endings so thoroughly, so it’s likely that your character may pick at it and not feel anything, for instance.
Me: Amazing, thank you so much! What my character did was basically just slather it with a general antiseptic ointment and then stick the kind of bandaid you mentioned over it, so she could hide it better from her wife. However it was a solid two weeks or so before she changed it for the first time, and I did mention a gathering of goop, a combination of the antiseptic cream and general weeping, would that be accurate enough detail? I had found that bit about pain level from Google but it’s great to have that confirmed, though I’m sorry you’re able to confirm it at all!
Them: Excellent, you’re all over this, your character did most of the right things without even knowing, so healing would most likely be at the stage you hoped for, scabbing at around a month, although it obviously varies person to person.
Me: Thank you so much for all the extra info and being so thorough, this is amazing help and I’m sorry I had to get you involved. I didn’t choose this method of SH because I could fall back on you by the way, it just felt right for the character I’d created and her circumstances. Are you doing okay now we’ve discussed this? Did you want to talk about something else for distraction now it’s over or are you processing it okay? I can send dog pics!
As you can see, it’s not hard to hit all those points I detailed above, and they flow well being combined into one message a lot of the time, without making a big deal of triggers or their mental state. It’s mostly about showing that you care and are grateful for the person’s help, and allowing them to direct the conversation.
Comments